i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
