Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
