saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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