Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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