My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
