Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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