69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
