I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
