Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
