so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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