Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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