We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
