We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
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My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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