the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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