Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize