just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
