There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
