nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
