Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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