i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
