i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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