she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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