You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
