I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
