So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
