he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
