Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
