so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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