It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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