I seem to have left my pride at pride
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
