guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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