I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
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There r osticjed everywhere
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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