guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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