Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
