I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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