I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
