he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i think my cat just said my name.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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