Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize