I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
