Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
