The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
