Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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