Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
