What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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