I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
