I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
