Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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