if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
