I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
