well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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