What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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