So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
foreskin is a definite game changer
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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