he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
