And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This house was built for laser tag.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
