i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
