what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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