i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i out mim tonsoeep
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