Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
