I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
