I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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