If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
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Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
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