I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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