she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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